The Pirates! Band of Misfits (The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists) - 7 stars out of 10
"The Pirates! Band of Misfits" is a hilarious new adventure from the animation studio that brought us "Wallace and Gromit." Everything about this film is RIGHT. Sight gags, historical satire, and quality stop-motion animation make this a feast for the eyes The best part of this film is its script. The Pirate Captain is wonderfully developed as a TERRIBLE pirate but a lovable idiot. You will find yourself laughing at his blunders but pulling for him to win Pirate of the Year. Hugh Grant provides great voice acting in this lead role, while other great characters emerge like the blonde woman in an obvious orange beard, and Cutlass Liz perfectly voiced by Salma Hayek. Every minute guarentees at least one laugh, making this film entertaining from start to finish. "The Pirates!" is much more than a children's movie, providing plenty of visual comedy and clever dialogue that will bring out the child in all of us.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Shark Night 3D - 1 star out of 10
Shark Night 3D - 1 star out of 10
"Shark Night 3D" is terrible. Terrible characters, terrible acting, terrible screenplay, terrible editing, and it very well may be the worst story ever written. In fact, the main draw of this film is its violent shark attacks and they couldn't even get THAT right! It fails to provide the gruesome shark deaths desired by its target audience in order to keep it at a PG-13 rating, allowing high schoolers to throw their money away at the box office. The only attack deserving of this film's concept is Katharine McPhee's scene with the cookie cutter sharks - the rest cut away or don't show anything, which works in a Jaws-esque film but not in a movie masqueraded as a shock-inducing gorefest. And even when they show the sharks, it appears that the producers WANTED them to look like they were CGI (but don't get me wrong, this is nowhere near "Birdemic" standards). Bad acting has been socially acceptible in horror films as long as they provide a few screams, but the poor acting was absurd in this one. It borders on comedy (again, nowhere near "Birdemic" standards). The bad acting certainly is a lot more humorous than their pitiful attempts at comedy, like their reinactment of "March of the Penguins." I just felt dirty watching this film, realizing that I'd been exploited by Hollywood businessmen with their epitome of cheap 3D tricks (even more than "My Bloody Valentine", which actually contained a few scary moments). They could have at least put these 3D tricks into a movie that didn't have the worst plot ever. It's as if a few writers sat around and said "Let's make a 3D movie where a group of teens gets eaten by sharks." "How are we going to justify having all of these sharks around?" "Hmm... the guys from 'Deliverance' decide to surround an island with various species of sharks, you know, so that it's educational? OH! And the sharks are wearing cameras and filming live deaths for Shark Week on the Discovery Channel?" "You. Are. A. GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!" The entire film is predictable and boring despite its constant shark attacks. In the end, everybody gets what the deserve. Including the audience, for paying to see such a crappy movie. Thank goodness this film was only 85 minutes long.
"Shark Night 3D" is terrible. Terrible characters, terrible acting, terrible screenplay, terrible editing, and it very well may be the worst story ever written. In fact, the main draw of this film is its violent shark attacks and they couldn't even get THAT right! It fails to provide the gruesome shark deaths desired by its target audience in order to keep it at a PG-13 rating, allowing high schoolers to throw their money away at the box office. The only attack deserving of this film's concept is Katharine McPhee's scene with the cookie cutter sharks - the rest cut away or don't show anything, which works in a Jaws-esque film but not in a movie masqueraded as a shock-inducing gorefest. And even when they show the sharks, it appears that the producers WANTED them to look like they were CGI (but don't get me wrong, this is nowhere near "Birdemic" standards). Bad acting has been socially acceptible in horror films as long as they provide a few screams, but the poor acting was absurd in this one. It borders on comedy (again, nowhere near "Birdemic" standards). The bad acting certainly is a lot more humorous than their pitiful attempts at comedy, like their reinactment of "March of the Penguins." I just felt dirty watching this film, realizing that I'd been exploited by Hollywood businessmen with their epitome of cheap 3D tricks (even more than "My Bloody Valentine", which actually contained a few scary moments). They could have at least put these 3D tricks into a movie that didn't have the worst plot ever. It's as if a few writers sat around and said "Let's make a 3D movie where a group of teens gets eaten by sharks." "How are we going to justify having all of these sharks around?" "Hmm... the guys from 'Deliverance' decide to surround an island with various species of sharks, you know, so that it's educational? OH! And the sharks are wearing cameras and filming live deaths for Shark Week on the Discovery Channel?" "You. Are. A. GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!" The entire film is predictable and boring despite its constant shark attacks. In the end, everybody gets what the deserve. Including the audience, for paying to see such a crappy movie. Thank goodness this film was only 85 minutes long.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
The Wiz - 5 stars out of 10
The Wiz - 5 stars out of 10
"The Wiz" is a cool, funky interpretation of "The Wizard of Oz." Unfortunately, this movie version misses a beat. I did find the NYC atmosphere to be a really cool departure from the standard story, particularly the Tin Man's carnival atmosphere and the skyscraper Emerald City, but the filmmakers got so wrapped up in the bells and whistles that they lost the heart of the story. It just doesn't feel like The Wizard of Oz. By turning Dorothy into an adult role so that Diana Ross could play it, the youthful innocence (and subsequent important life lesson) is lost. Michael Jackson is excellent as the Scarecrow, especially when he sings with the crows. Nipsey Russell was a great Tinman, even though his crying was a little bit annoying. And after a perfect set-up by timidly peeking out from behind the giant metallic head, Richard Pryor just had to stand there to make the Wizard a memorable character. The film is filled with stars and catchy music, but it becomes a show instead of a story with an important moral. Even though it isn't the best film that I've ever seen, it was worth watching for it's awesome choreography and slice of 1970's culture. I enjoyed the music but I can see why this was heavily panned by critics and hope that they'll remake this again soon with a focus on the story.
"The Wiz" is a cool, funky interpretation of "The Wizard of Oz." Unfortunately, this movie version misses a beat. I did find the NYC atmosphere to be a really cool departure from the standard story, particularly the Tin Man's carnival atmosphere and the skyscraper Emerald City, but the filmmakers got so wrapped up in the bells and whistles that they lost the heart of the story. It just doesn't feel like The Wizard of Oz. By turning Dorothy into an adult role so that Diana Ross could play it, the youthful innocence (and subsequent important life lesson) is lost. Michael Jackson is excellent as the Scarecrow, especially when he sings with the crows. Nipsey Russell was a great Tinman, even though his crying was a little bit annoying. And after a perfect set-up by timidly peeking out from behind the giant metallic head, Richard Pryor just had to stand there to make the Wizard a memorable character. The film is filled with stars and catchy music, but it becomes a show instead of a story with an important moral. Even though it isn't the best film that I've ever seen, it was worth watching for it's awesome choreography and slice of 1970's culture. I enjoyed the music but I can see why this was heavily panned by critics and hope that they'll remake this again soon with a focus on the story.
Cowboys & Aliens - 5 stars out of 10
Cowboys & Aliens - 5 stars out of 10
"Cowboys & Aliens" is precisely what it sounds like. But amidst the absurdity of this concept, an interesting story emerges. The first half of this movie was precisely what I had hoped for - a genuine Western feel that, other than the title following the opening credits, would never give the indication of anything other than a Western. The second half of this movie was precisely what I was afraid of - an alien movie whose only indication that it was a Western were a few cowboy hats. The only reason that I gave this film a chance is because of Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford, figuring that there must have been something good about the script for two huge stars to sign on. That, plus the curiosity as to how they could actually make this concept work. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of character development that brought these characters to life. The acting was strong all around, and I really enjoyed the performances of Sam Rockwell (who is always a favorite of mine) and Olivia Wilde (who made it nearly impossible to look away from the screen). I even thought that Paul Dano was really well cast (in spite of my inability to take him seriously in any role). On the other side of things, the special effects were very impressive and I really liked the artistry of the aliens. Unfortunately, the two sides did not properly gel. A more appropriate title for the film might have been "Cowboys OR Aliens." This is a decent Friday night action movie, but just be prepared for it to feel like an alien-from-outer-space film or an illegal-alien-from-Mexico film, but rarely like both at the same time.
"Cowboys & Aliens" is precisely what it sounds like. But amidst the absurdity of this concept, an interesting story emerges. The first half of this movie was precisely what I had hoped for - a genuine Western feel that, other than the title following the opening credits, would never give the indication of anything other than a Western. The second half of this movie was precisely what I was afraid of - an alien movie whose only indication that it was a Western were a few cowboy hats. The only reason that I gave this film a chance is because of Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford, figuring that there must have been something good about the script for two huge stars to sign on. That, plus the curiosity as to how they could actually make this concept work. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of character development that brought these characters to life. The acting was strong all around, and I really enjoyed the performances of Sam Rockwell (who is always a favorite of mine) and Olivia Wilde (who made it nearly impossible to look away from the screen). I even thought that Paul Dano was really well cast (in spite of my inability to take him seriously in any role). On the other side of things, the special effects were very impressive and I really liked the artistry of the aliens. Unfortunately, the two sides did not properly gel. A more appropriate title for the film might have been "Cowboys OR Aliens." This is a decent Friday night action movie, but just be prepared for it to feel like an alien-from-outer-space film or an illegal-alien-from-Mexico film, but rarely like both at the same time.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Michael Jackson's This Is It - 9 stars out of 10
Michael Jackson's This Is It - 9 stars out of 10
I don't consider myself to be a Michael Jackson fan of any sort, but this looks like it would have been the most incredible show in the world. Chronicling the production of his "This Is It" concert, it gives us a look into the creativity of Jackson before his sudden death. The dancing is absolutely out of this world and let's face it, the King of Pop wrote some of the greatest pop music of the 80's and 90's. I would've loved to experience the Thriller sequence, and that chick guitarist (Orianthi) is awesome! Before "This Is It," I felt nothing but disdain for Michael Jackson but this movie has given me a true appreciation for him. Although he was very strange, I can now appreciate his humility and musicianship. Whether you are a fan of his or not, this is a movie that everybody should see.
I don't consider myself to be a Michael Jackson fan of any sort, but this looks like it would have been the most incredible show in the world. Chronicling the production of his "This Is It" concert, it gives us a look into the creativity of Jackson before his sudden death. The dancing is absolutely out of this world and let's face it, the King of Pop wrote some of the greatest pop music of the 80's and 90's. I would've loved to experience the Thriller sequence, and that chick guitarist (Orianthi) is awesome! Before "This Is It," I felt nothing but disdain for Michael Jackson but this movie has given me a true appreciation for him. Although he was very strange, I can now appreciate his humility and musicianship. Whether you are a fan of his or not, this is a movie that everybody should see.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Pi - 8 stars out of 10
Pi - 8 stars out of 10
"Pi" is one of the most stange and mystifying stories out there. Amidst its paranoia and madness, there is a stroke of genius in Darren Aronofsky's screenplay. It is basically everything that "The Number 23" aspired to be. Filled with quick cuts and a main character with a social disorder, "Pi" is filled with uneasiness that transports the viewer into the world of Max Cohen, the super-genius that sees pi as the organizational pattern for everything in nature. The characters are written extremely well, particularly the characters of Lenny and Marcy Dawson. When their motives are revealed later in the movie, it's an awesome shock. Sean Gullette IS this movie, driving every aspect of the plot and giving a convincing performance that might even sell you on his pi theory. I also adored Mark Margolis' performance as Sol, bringing us back to reality amidst the hallucinations. More than anything, the shock of the penultimate scene is simply awesome and makes this a movie that you must see. It'll blow your mind.
"Pi" is one of the most stange and mystifying stories out there. Amidst its paranoia and madness, there is a stroke of genius in Darren Aronofsky's screenplay. It is basically everything that "The Number 23" aspired to be. Filled with quick cuts and a main character with a social disorder, "Pi" is filled with uneasiness that transports the viewer into the world of Max Cohen, the super-genius that sees pi as the organizational pattern for everything in nature. The characters are written extremely well, particularly the characters of Lenny and Marcy Dawson. When their motives are revealed later in the movie, it's an awesome shock. Sean Gullette IS this movie, driving every aspect of the plot and giving a convincing performance that might even sell you on his pi theory. I also adored Mark Margolis' performance as Sol, bringing us back to reality amidst the hallucinations. More than anything, the shock of the penultimate scene is simply awesome and makes this a movie that you must see. It'll blow your mind.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - 3 stars out of 10
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - 3 stars out of 10
The Mummy returns again... with the exact same plot as the other two... except in China... and without Rachel Weisz... The Mummy was meant to take place in Egypt and they should have left it there. Brendan Fraser is entertaining as always, but Maria Bello just didn't bring the excitement (and great looks) that Rachel Weisz brought to the Mummy series. The special effects were great and I understand the wonders of CG. But Yeti? Seriously? For some reason these were less believable than two reincarnated armies. This movie just seemed too random. Jet Li was barely in it (despite his second billing) and probably the best decision in making this movie was the casting of Michelle Yeoh as Zi Yuan. Correction: the best decision was by Rachel Weisz, choosing not to be in it. This movie brings cool special effects but they are worthless without a good plot and decent acting. The original "Mummy" was innovative with its cool CG effects and enjoyable blend of action, comedy, and romance; unfortunately, films like "The Scorpion King" and "Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" prevent me from calling this a series and instead having to call it a hit followed by a string of disappointment.
The Mummy returns again... with the exact same plot as the other two... except in China... and without Rachel Weisz... The Mummy was meant to take place in Egypt and they should have left it there. Brendan Fraser is entertaining as always, but Maria Bello just didn't bring the excitement (and great looks) that Rachel Weisz brought to the Mummy series. The special effects were great and I understand the wonders of CG. But Yeti? Seriously? For some reason these were less believable than two reincarnated armies. This movie just seemed too random. Jet Li was barely in it (despite his second billing) and probably the best decision in making this movie was the casting of Michelle Yeoh as Zi Yuan. Correction: the best decision was by Rachel Weisz, choosing not to be in it. This movie brings cool special effects but they are worthless without a good plot and decent acting. The original "Mummy" was innovative with its cool CG effects and enjoyable blend of action, comedy, and romance; unfortunately, films like "The Scorpion King" and "Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" prevent me from calling this a series and instead having to call it a hit followed by a string of disappointment.
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