Secrets: Golden Raft of El Dorado - 8 stars out of 10

Secrets: Golden Raft of El Dorado - 8 stars out of 10

This is one of the most compelling television documentaries that I have ever watched.  The famous Muisca Raft is enshrouded in mystery, from its seamless golden design to its unknown purpose.  The raft is approached from all angles: the religious purpose of the golden artwork, the history of the Spanish conquistadors stealing the gold from the Muisca tribe, the cultural trade of salt for gold, the scientific process to discover the chemistry and origin of the gold, and the actual methods used to form this piece over 500 years ago.  The story behind this unique piece and the ceremony of investiture of the Muisca chief is fascinating.  If you ever have an opportunity to visit El Museo del Oro in Bogota, Colombia, make sure to watch this documentary first and then be amazed by this incredibly unique piece.

 

 [Pictured: The Muisca Raft when I visited El Museo del Oro]

The Stepford Wives (2004) - 2 stars out of 10

The Stepford Wives (2004) - 2 stars out of 10

Three of the leads and the director of “The Stepford Wives” all say that this movie was a mistake.  That sets an accurate expectation of what you will see on the screen.  While the story of “The Stepford Wives” is unique, this confused remake suffers from a major identity crisis.  It is supposed to be a black comedy but there is not much humor or irony, and the robot-like acting of these Leave-It-to-Beaver housewives just comes off as poor acting.  It seems that this remake was doomed to fail throughout its entire production.  An ensemble cast is often a good thing but, when several of these big-name personalities clash with the director, it becomes a disaster.  The acting of Nicole Kidman, Bette Midler, Glenn Close, and Faith Hill comes off as lazy and apathetic.  This was Faith Hill’s first and last appearance on the silver screen which explains why she was so awful, but the others are just a reflection of their inability to get along with director Frank Oz.  Matthew Broderick was miscast - note that John Cusack was originally selected for this role and how much better his acting style would have matched the character.  In fact, the only two actors that I enjoyed were Christopher Walken and Jon Lovitz, and that’s only because they were completely typecast and just had to play themselves!  Everything about this film is wrong, from Kidman’s terrible reality tv show concept (one of the least funny parts of this black comedy) to Faith Hill’s unseen bedroom scene.  “The Stepford Wives” was better off as a thriller and never needed to be remade.

Noah (2014) - 3 stars out of 10

Noah (2014) - 3 stars out of 10

“Noah” certainly is a piece of work.  It is like the “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” of Biblical stories.  The dichotomy of awesome and terrible is impressive but leaves me seeing the missed potential of this big-budget film.  There are few details revealed about the flood in the Bible, but this movie managed to get most of those wrong in lieu of giant, talking rock monsters.  Yes, I said rock monsters.  Glowing angels who have been enshrouded in stone as punishment.  And these aren’t even a small detail.  They consume a large chunk of the film, serving as Noah’s protectors as he builds the ark.  I can’t make this stuff up (…but apparently Darren Aronofsky can and make millions of dollars off of it)!  Aronofsky’s acid trip take on the story of Noah is very artistic but the visual appeal is not worth the sacrilege.  I don’t know what I expected from a director whose last big hit was about a schizophrenic, lesbian ballerina, but this movie was a huge letdown to the entire Christian community.  I understand the need for artistic license to fill in the many details left out in Genesis, but you can’t just eliminate two of the four wives on the boat so that you can make Ham angry.  It is a shame because Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, Jennifer Connelly, and Emma Watson turn in such wonderful performances but this odd interpretation ruins it.  If the film had been advertised as a fictional, surrealist retelling without any historical accuracy, I could have been prepared (or more likely would have avoided it); but when you expect the story of Noah, this is an enormous disappointment.  The ark is stunning and the soundtrack is perfectly fitting of an epic film.  This is paired with awesome acting, cool special effects, and an impossible journey.  Yet, when you tie all of these things together with random, surrealist imagery and a bunch of rock monsters, it is easy to see why “Noah” will quickly be forgotten.

Secrets: The Sphinx - 5 stars out of 10

Secrets: The Sphinx - 5 stars out of 10

This documentary exploration of the Sphinx seeks to uncover the mysterious history and purpose of this superstructure.  This is the largest stone statue in existence and was built thousands of years ago, so there must be some purpose.  Most documentaries interview several historians and archaeologists who support the documentarian’s hypothesis.  This documentary deviates from that path, allowing several experts to state their arguments and choosing the most logical one in the end.  I have never had much interest in ancient Egypt but this film has inspired me to watch more and try to discover other secrets of this mysterious chapter of world history.

Heaven Is for Real - 9 stars out of 10

Heaven Is for Real - 9 stars out of 10

The Christian film industry often has a reputation for poor acting and cheesy scripts.  This is not the case for “Heaven Is for Real.”  This true story of a boy’s ascent into Heaven during a near-death procedure has been approached with a large budget and quality actors.  The story itself is very interesting and not when you might think from the synopses.  While there is a proper amount of time afforded to tell the boy’s story and properly paint the images that he sees in Heaven, the main subject matter is the community’s response to the boy’s visions and the sociological implications on their church.  It is surprising that so much of this movie is depressing but it makes sense since it is portraying our cynical world’s reaction to an innocent miracle.  This film would be much more uplifting if it was fiction.  Connor Corum was the perfect choice to play four-year-old Colton Burpo, the child who sees Heaven.  He is so adorable and delivers his lines with the innocence that you would expect of a child who does not realize the significance of what he has experiences.  He is supported by several veteran actors including Greg Kinnear and Kelly Reilly as the parents.  Reilly is more than just a pretty face in this role, developing depth in her character through her emotional transformation in both her support of her husband and belief in her son.  Kinnear is fantastic as he portrays all of the emotions that we might feel if God nearly took our child, gave him this gift, and then left us to make sense of it.   Veterans Thomas Haden Church and Margo Martindale also join the cast, with Martindale providing ever moment of bitter emotion that we have grown to expect (and love) from her.  The onscreen chemistry between all of these actors makes for something very special.  “Heaven Is for Real” is an incredible story told with beautiful images of Heaven and emotional performances.  Just like the characters in this story, it will make you wonder what you actually believe in regard to Heaven and I certainly would not want to miss this one.