Saturday, March 17, 2012

Selena - 10 stars out of 10

Selena - 10 stars out of 10

"Selena" is a beautiful tribute to the life of Selena Perez.  From humble beginnings, the audience has the opportunity to see a family who started with nothing but managed to succeed by sticking together and encouraging each other.  Jennifer Lopez earned her Golden Globe through her touching performance.  Though Selena's father sometimes seemed like an oppressive stage parent, I loved his inspirational speeches to his children.  Olmos did an incredible job portraying Abraham's very deep character with many layers, allowing the audience to constantly see his love for his family beneath his tough exterior.  This movie was just as much about him as it was about Selena.  The movie is filled with dynamic characters and a perfect cast to bring those characters to life.  Constance Marie has a great performance as Selena's mother and Jon Seda was excellent as Chris.  Even the casting of young Selena was brilliant. I like that this film feels like a celebration of Selena's life and success instead of a long eulogy, mourning the tragedy.  Realistic acting, great music, and an inspirational story make this a wonderful film to enjoy, despite a tear-jerking ending.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Swamp Thing - 1 star out of 10

Swamp Thing - 1 star out of 10

Wes Craven has created some of the most memorable horror films in history, such as "A Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Scream."  He has also created one of the least memorable films in history, taking the form of "Swamp Thing."  EVERY THING about this film is utterly ridiculous.  For starters, the concept is ridiculous and pointless.  Allow me to quote Wikipedia's synopsis of the film: "Dr. Holland is covered in chemicals, caught on fire, and runs screaming in the swamp, presumably to die, but returns as a monstrously mutated plant creature."  I could probably just end this review right here, but where's the fun in that?  There have been many heroes in film throughout the years but Swamp Thing is one of the least interesting.  He has a bland personality (if you could even consider it a personality) and for some reason, he suddenly talks like a caveman once he becomes Swamp Thing.  When this is paired with an over-usage of slow motion, random unnecessary nudity, bad acting, and a terrible script, it is difficult to find a single redeeming moment.  I had high hopes for the final transformation as it began in its gory goodness... and then it became the fakest looking thing that I've ever seen.  It looks like someone showed up to a Halloween party wearing a wolf mask from the Dollar Store... and a sword.  And when there's a sword involved... uh-oh, chick randomly stabbed in the boob... now Swamp Thing is mad.  These are the expectations that you need to have before tuning in this horrendous film.  But consider yourself warned.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - 1 star out of 10

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - 1 star out of 10

Sometimes movies that are completely "fluff" are fun to watch, but there really is nothing appealing about "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."  While providing the interesting opportunity to listen to some of the biggest stars from the 70's singing the Beatles hits that we love, it is hard to look past the fact that it is inherently stupid.  I don't think that I could ever view this as a "serious" movie because the plot is just so terrible (and often non-existent), but it is hard to even enjoy it as a fun, mindless experience because the songs (which provide the only dialogue) don't even effectively tell the story.  "Across the Universe" is everything that this film aspired to be, providing an interesting plot that is perfectly conveyed through the music of the Beatles AND dialogue.  Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that there are not any Beatles in this film... It was worth watching one short segment to catch a look of a very young Aerosmith, but not worth watching the whole film to get to this segment.  I'm sure that this film was quite a sight to see when it came out, featuring more musical stars than has been feasible in any other film; unfortunately, watching it 30+ years later, I don't recognize most of the celebrities and it loses that magical aspect..  It is unfortunate how many of the songs are ruined (particularly Maxwell's Siver Hammer as sung by Steve Martin) through this film and I wish that I could take back that 2 hours of my life.  Adults who grew up in the 60's and the 70's with these music celebrities will enjoy the nostalgia but outside of that, I can't see anybody enjoying this.

Quarantine - 9 stars out of 10

Quarantine - 9 stars out of 10

"Quarantine" is the best scary movie since "Cloverfield"!!!  The first-person perspective is extremely effective in this movie, as the viewer truly feels like they are actually there and it will keep you on edge the entire time.  I believe that the first-person works so well because the person recording is supposed to be a professional with a news camera, therefore this "shaky camera" technique is justifiably not too shaky.  This movie does a great job of creating an emotional attachment to the characters before the terror begins, much better than Cloverfield did.  It is almost like a zombie movie with a twist that you get to experience from a first-person perspective.  I love that they reveal just enough for you to understand what is going on, but leave a number of questions unanswered.  Not to mention that these rabid zombies are terrifying, while the unseen images are exponentially more chilling.  You really cannot predict what will happen next as this realistic news interview keeps you believing from start to finish.  Jennifer Carpenter was great, though she was annoying for about 5 minutes in there toward the end.  The rest of the acting is solid, feeling candid and panicked  Jump-scenes and shocking moments are inserted in a way that they make sense and don't seem like too much.  I would totally watch this movie again.  And again.  And again.

Quarantine 2: Terminal - 2 stars out of 10

Quarantine 2: Terminal - 2 stars out of 10

"Quarantine 2: Terminal" is a terrible follow-up to its imaginative and bone-chilling predecessor.  This is great evidence that less is more.  Abandoning the intrigue of the first film where seeing is NOT believing, this installment of the Quarantine series shows all; unfortunately, these images are not nearly as terrifying as the images created by our imaginations during the original and the end result is a lot of blood and a minimal amount of terror.  Even more disappointing is the extensive use of "thermal vision."  You can tell that this is the point where they decided to stop investing money into the film and went with some of the poorest CGI I've seen in a long time.  The use of nightvision in the first film strongly related to the storyline and was seemlessly incorporated into this plot whereas the thermal vision is just a gag that tries to provide variation but just makes the film awful.  You can tell that the acting is going to be bad from the first 2 minutes and this large cast hinders the ability of the film to scare, merely providing more meaningless personalities to be turned into rabid zombies.  I am upset that they tried to connect this film to the first through that brief newsfeed and even more upset that this film bears the same title.  The first "Quarantine" is a terrifying piece of art while this abhorrant sequel's sparse scares beg for a label of mediocrity.