Ronin - 4 stars out of 10
"Ronin" is a decent espionage thriller but lacks in several areas. First, the title's association with the samuri from the feudal period was entirely unnecessary. Even after the random scene where that ancillary character explains what the ronin were (and the awkward introductory captions), it just felt like the producers saying “The ronin have absolutely nothing to do with this story but we're going to try to tie it in anyways.” My other complaint is that the first 20 minutes are entirely confusing. And not in that great "I'm on the edge of my seat and can't wait for an awesome revelation!" way, but in a "I have no clue who these people are and am not sure why I turned this movie on" way. It just feels like you missed something by not watching the preview first. Good films explain themselves without requiring prior knowledge. I was also really annoyed by a misplaced and unnecessary love scene. It had nothing to do with this film. At all. That being said, the main draw for "Ronin" is its two incredible car chase scenes, and they were actually so good that they made the entire film worth watching. The acting is pretty good, with DeNiro delivering one of his best acting moments EVER during the bullet removal scene. This was a nice role for Jonathan Pryce, Jean Reno is always awesome, and I really enjoyed Natascha McElhone (that girl from The Truman Show)! Stellan Skarsgard was okay, but nothing special when you consider some of his past roles. Finally, I know that they are trying to maintain some mystery about the box by treating the ending the way they did, probably trying to make a point that "it doesn't matter what is in the box, it's what people will do for money," but all that it did was left me unsatisfied. Watch it for the car chases, but don't expect much more.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Bride of the Monster - 1 star out of 10
Bride of the Monster - 1 star out of 10
"Bride of the Monster" is... just awful. It is often difficult to laugh at this atrocity because it is such a sad reflection of the failures of Ed Wood. There came a point midway through this movie when I realized: “I have no idea what this movie is about.” I mean, there's a mad vampire scientiest (not actually a vampire), his henchman, and a giant octopus. The title confuses me, considering that the octopus is refered to as "the monster" but its doubtful that the captured woman is intended to marry the octopus. While we're on the topic of the octopus, I love that it doesn't actually move and when people are "killed" by it, they basically wrap themselves up in its arms and roll around so that it looks like it is strangling them or something. In the end, the acting is bad, the editing is shoddy and inconsistent, and the story doesn't really even do anything. The only way to enjoy this film is by watching the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version.
"Bride of the Monster" is... just awful. It is often difficult to laugh at this atrocity because it is such a sad reflection of the failures of Ed Wood. There came a point midway through this movie when I realized: “I have no idea what this movie is about.” I mean, there's a mad vampire scientiest (not actually a vampire), his henchman, and a giant octopus. The title confuses me, considering that the octopus is refered to as "the monster" but its doubtful that the captured woman is intended to marry the octopus. While we're on the topic of the octopus, I love that it doesn't actually move and when people are "killed" by it, they basically wrap themselves up in its arms and roll around so that it looks like it is strangling them or something. In the end, the acting is bad, the editing is shoddy and inconsistent, and the story doesn't really even do anything. The only way to enjoy this film is by watching the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Awakenings - 10 stars out of 10
Awakenings - 10 stars out of 10
This movie is an absolute emotional rollercoaster. It takes a fair amount of drama or happiness in a movie to make me cry, and I cried at least 3 different times throughout this movie. Even though the situation of the patients is sad, you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of happiness during the movie as someone finally cares and wants to make a difference in their lives. This is DeNiro's "Rain Man/I Am Sam role" and I do not understand why it has been hidden behind those other movies and nearly forgotten - his tragic portrayal is genius. Supported by great acting by Julie Kavner, Ruth Nelson and Penelope Ann Miller (the dancing scene is so touching), Williams also puts forth a thoughtful performance, reaching out to empathetic audience members. "Awakenings" is a must for any serious movie viewer but make sure that you have your tissues nearby.
This movie is an absolute emotional rollercoaster. It takes a fair amount of drama or happiness in a movie to make me cry, and I cried at least 3 different times throughout this movie. Even though the situation of the patients is sad, you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of happiness during the movie as someone finally cares and wants to make a difference in their lives. This is DeNiro's "Rain Man/I Am Sam role" and I do not understand why it has been hidden behind those other movies and nearly forgotten - his tragic portrayal is genius. Supported by great acting by Julie Kavner, Ruth Nelson and Penelope Ann Miller (the dancing scene is so touching), Williams also puts forth a thoughtful performance, reaching out to empathetic audience members. "Awakenings" is a must for any serious movie viewer but make sure that you have your tissues nearby.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The Juror - 4 stars out of 10
The Juror - 4 stars out of 10
This movie hinges on the relationship between Demi Moore and her son, and the chemistry just is not there. If you are expecting A Few Good Men meets G.I. Jane, be prepared to lower your expectations to those of an okay thriller.
This movie hinges on the relationship between Demi Moore and her son, and the chemistry just is not there. If you are expecting A Few Good Men meets G.I. Jane, be prepared to lower your expectations to those of an okay thriller.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Gnomeo & Juliet - 7 stars out of 10
Gnomeo & Juliet - 7 stars out of 10
I can't believe that they translated Romeo & Juliet into garden gnomes... but it totally works! Anybody who is very familiar with the original story will be thrilled by the parallels between these characters and their Shakespearean counterparts as well as the high-brow literary jokes. And yet, a child who doesn't know the story at all will still find it entirely entertaining. I thought that this movie was going to be a lot of fluff but it was incredibly clever, relying more on witty dialogue than slapstick visuals. The entire visual atmosphere is impressive as well, accentuating the ceramic textures on all of the characters. Speaking of characters, so many of them are memorable. My personal favorite is Featherstone the Flamingo - absolutely hysterical. And the garden Fawn voiced by Ozzy Osbourne? Genius. The writers did an amazing job of using actors to voice characters within their stereotypes. Hulk Hogan, Dolly Parton, Patrick Stewart (his scene as "Will" is fantastic), Maggie Smith, Michael Caine, and Jason Statham all have awesome performances simply because of those stereotypes. All of the actors are worth mentioning: James McAvoy and Emily Blunt in the leads, and particularly Ashley Jensen as Nanette the Frog (so many laugh-out-loud moments). I wondered how they would get around having a dual-suicide ending and the writers effectively wrote a happy ending without ever making you think "Wow, they sold out Shakespeare..." They properly pay homage to his ending while allowing themselves the freedom to end it however they'd like. I really can't say anything bad about this film. It's funny, well animated, cleverly cast with an all-star cast, and is up there with Tangled and Toy Story 3 as one of the only good computer animated films to come out over the past 5 years.
I can't believe that they translated Romeo & Juliet into garden gnomes... but it totally works! Anybody who is very familiar with the original story will be thrilled by the parallels between these characters and their Shakespearean counterparts as well as the high-brow literary jokes. And yet, a child who doesn't know the story at all will still find it entirely entertaining. I thought that this movie was going to be a lot of fluff but it was incredibly clever, relying more on witty dialogue than slapstick visuals. The entire visual atmosphere is impressive as well, accentuating the ceramic textures on all of the characters. Speaking of characters, so many of them are memorable. My personal favorite is Featherstone the Flamingo - absolutely hysterical. And the garden Fawn voiced by Ozzy Osbourne? Genius. The writers did an amazing job of using actors to voice characters within their stereotypes. Hulk Hogan, Dolly Parton, Patrick Stewart (his scene as "Will" is fantastic), Maggie Smith, Michael Caine, and Jason Statham all have awesome performances simply because of those stereotypes. All of the actors are worth mentioning: James McAvoy and Emily Blunt in the leads, and particularly Ashley Jensen as Nanette the Frog (so many laugh-out-loud moments). I wondered how they would get around having a dual-suicide ending and the writers effectively wrote a happy ending without ever making you think "Wow, they sold out Shakespeare..." They properly pay homage to his ending while allowing themselves the freedom to end it however they'd like. I really can't say anything bad about this film. It's funny, well animated, cleverly cast with an all-star cast, and is up there with Tangled and Toy Story 3 as one of the only good computer animated films to come out over the past 5 years.
Monday, December 12, 2011
La Bamba - 10 stars out of 10
La Bamba - 10 stars out of 10
This definitely helped me to understand the tragedy of the historic plane crash that turned the rock and roll world on its head. Just like "Selena," you will feel as if you are watching this true story unfold for real. They were so young and even though you know what has to happen in the end, you will find yourself praying that history will rewrite itself. Lou Diamond Phillips... wow. His incredible performance will make you fall in love with the humble and all around nice guy - Ritchie Valens. You'll smile anytime that he begins to sing, feeling so happy for his success. Esai Morales is an absolutely incredible drunk and shows pure acting talent with his transformation throughout this movie. I think that he deserved a 1988 Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor - his raw emotion will make your heart pound. The music is excellent and is enhanced through the story line, like getting to know Donna so that you can understand the significance of her song. There are a few really classic scenes, like the 60 takes of recording "Come On, Let's Go" and his performance of "La Bamba." When you finally get to hear "La Bamba," it's glorious! Every single line about flying enhances the irony of this story and will prepare you for the inevitably heart-wrenching ending.
This definitely helped me to understand the tragedy of the historic plane crash that turned the rock and roll world on its head. Just like "Selena," you will feel as if you are watching this true story unfold for real. They were so young and even though you know what has to happen in the end, you will find yourself praying that history will rewrite itself. Lou Diamond Phillips... wow. His incredible performance will make you fall in love with the humble and all around nice guy - Ritchie Valens. You'll smile anytime that he begins to sing, feeling so happy for his success. Esai Morales is an absolutely incredible drunk and shows pure acting talent with his transformation throughout this movie. I think that he deserved a 1988 Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor - his raw emotion will make your heart pound. The music is excellent and is enhanced through the story line, like getting to know Donna so that you can understand the significance of her song. There are a few really classic scenes, like the 60 takes of recording "Come On, Let's Go" and his performance of "La Bamba." When you finally get to hear "La Bamba," it's glorious! Every single line about flying enhances the irony of this story and will prepare you for the inevitably heart-wrenching ending.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Birdemic: Shock and Terror - 1 star out of 10
Birdemic: Shock and Terror - 1 star out of 10
The mere title “Birdemic: Shock and Terror” indicates that this will be one of the worst movies that you have ever seen; however, nothing can prepare you for something so awful in so many categories! Amidst awful acting, laughable CGI effects, and an absurd storyline, I can confidently say that this is the most poorly edited film that I have ever seen. Although it is marketed as a “romantic thriller,” Birdemic is actually a “hilarious atrocity.” I feel very sorry for the actors who devoted 4 years of their lives to this weekend project. I also feel sorry for the actors because they are simply awful, from the over-exuberant mother to the guy that delivers his lines like a robot. I don’t know where this script came from and, although the “actors” have a horrific delivery of their lines, what are they supposed to do with classic lines such as “Hey look, a fishing rod! I can catch some fish! Oh look, a stove! We can cook it.” And who could forget “I'm not worried about the birds, they're not the dangerous animals. It's the human species that's the dangerous, terrifying animal.” Annnnnd let’s blame it all on global warming and give a 4-minute Public Service Announcement about global warming and its affect on the environment. How about a side of anti-war sentiments to go along with that global warming entrée? While it attempts to educate its audience on global warming, the guy who lives in the woods eventually makes global warming look like a complete joke. Mix all of this in with random remote control cars, extended scenes around a conference table with people clapping, and a bunch of statistics/prices that all conveniently begin with a one (i.e. a sale of $1 million, a buy-out of $1 billion, $100 for gas) and you have an unforgettable film. Let’s not forget that nothing says “party” like a random guy (sort of) rapping while the only two patrons of the restaurant do an awkward dance. Worse than the script is the editing. When the sound keeps cutting in and out, don’t bother checking your DVD player. The movie is just THAT poorly edited. They must have used a single camera to shoot the same scene several times at different angles because the ambient noise in the background is constantly changing. Or sometimes simply becomes silence for extended static shots. They also must have been too lazy to dub over dialogue when the background noise was too loud, as evidenced by the consistently lost lines anytime the actors are around traffic or in a restaurant. On top of this, the editor includes lengthy, boring establishing shots (like extensive scenes driving around in a car and a long pan across the wall of a Vietnamese restaurant). By the time that the same 4 bars of music repeats for the eighteenth time during the opening credits, you’ll know that you are in for a dismal experience. I love how you find yourself halfway through the movie and the only reference to birds has been a very poorly made news cast. And without transition, there are suddenly thousands of horribly animated CGI birds. I don’t know which I enjoyed more – the terrible CGI birds floating in the air or the awful CGI forest fire whose graphics (reminiscent of Sega Genesis) disappear before the camera cuts away from the scene. I can talk about this movie forever but no words can properly prepare you for this train wreck. Therefore, I shall conclude this review with a clip from “Birdemic” that says it all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrxZblVUkMU
It may be helatiously bad, but it is an absolute joy to mock and I can't remember the last time that I laughed this hard.
The mere title “Birdemic: Shock and Terror” indicates that this will be one of the worst movies that you have ever seen; however, nothing can prepare you for something so awful in so many categories! Amidst awful acting, laughable CGI effects, and an absurd storyline, I can confidently say that this is the most poorly edited film that I have ever seen. Although it is marketed as a “romantic thriller,” Birdemic is actually a “hilarious atrocity.” I feel very sorry for the actors who devoted 4 years of their lives to this weekend project. I also feel sorry for the actors because they are simply awful, from the over-exuberant mother to the guy that delivers his lines like a robot. I don’t know where this script came from and, although the “actors” have a horrific delivery of their lines, what are they supposed to do with classic lines such as “Hey look, a fishing rod! I can catch some fish! Oh look, a stove! We can cook it.” And who could forget “I'm not worried about the birds, they're not the dangerous animals. It's the human species that's the dangerous, terrifying animal.” Annnnnd let’s blame it all on global warming and give a 4-minute Public Service Announcement about global warming and its affect on the environment. How about a side of anti-war sentiments to go along with that global warming entrée? While it attempts to educate its audience on global warming, the guy who lives in the woods eventually makes global warming look like a complete joke. Mix all of this in with random remote control cars, extended scenes around a conference table with people clapping, and a bunch of statistics/prices that all conveniently begin with a one (i.e. a sale of $1 million, a buy-out of $1 billion, $100 for gas) and you have an unforgettable film. Let’s not forget that nothing says “party” like a random guy (sort of) rapping while the only two patrons of the restaurant do an awkward dance. Worse than the script is the editing. When the sound keeps cutting in and out, don’t bother checking your DVD player. The movie is just THAT poorly edited. They must have used a single camera to shoot the same scene several times at different angles because the ambient noise in the background is constantly changing. Or sometimes simply becomes silence for extended static shots. They also must have been too lazy to dub over dialogue when the background noise was too loud, as evidenced by the consistently lost lines anytime the actors are around traffic or in a restaurant. On top of this, the editor includes lengthy, boring establishing shots (like extensive scenes driving around in a car and a long pan across the wall of a Vietnamese restaurant). By the time that the same 4 bars of music repeats for the eighteenth time during the opening credits, you’ll know that you are in for a dismal experience. I love how you find yourself halfway through the movie and the only reference to birds has been a very poorly made news cast. And without transition, there are suddenly thousands of horribly animated CGI birds. I don’t know which I enjoyed more – the terrible CGI birds floating in the air or the awful CGI forest fire whose graphics (reminiscent of Sega Genesis) disappear before the camera cuts away from the scene. I can talk about this movie forever but no words can properly prepare you for this train wreck. Therefore, I shall conclude this review with a clip from “Birdemic” that says it all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrxZblVUkMU
It may be helatiously bad, but it is an absolute joy to mock and I can't remember the last time that I laughed this hard.
Across the Hall - 5 stars out of 10
Across the Hall - 5 stars out of 10
"Across the Hall" delivers some thrills and a few enjoyable twists, but this movie leaves something to be desired along the lines of dialogue and acting. Brittany Murphy is good but the other two guys could have brought a lot more emotion (and realism) to their characters. My favorite part of this movie was the storytelling technique, jumping through time to reveal a few twists that make you say "Wait, so that means that ...... the whole time!" I can't tell you what happens, you'll just have to see for yourself. All in all, it's an average suspense film but I would probably see it again.
"Across the Hall" delivers some thrills and a few enjoyable twists, but this movie leaves something to be desired along the lines of dialogue and acting. Brittany Murphy is good but the other two guys could have brought a lot more emotion (and realism) to their characters. My favorite part of this movie was the storytelling technique, jumping through time to reveal a few twists that make you say "Wait, so that means that ...... the whole time!" I can't tell you what happens, you'll just have to see for yourself. All in all, it's an average suspense film but I would probably see it again.
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