Birdemic: Shock and Terror - 1 star out of 10

Birdemic: Shock and Terror - 1 star out of 10

The mere title “Birdemic: Shock and Terror” indicates that this will be one of the worst movies that you have ever seen; however, nothing can prepare you for something so awful in so many categories!  Amidst awful acting, laughable CGI effects, and an absurd storyline, I can confidently say that this is the most poorly edited film that I have ever seen.  Although it is marketed as a “romantic thriller,” Birdemic is actually a “hilarious atrocity.”  I feel very sorry for the actors who devoted 4 years of their lives to this weekend project.  I also feel sorry for the actors because they are simply awful, from the over-exuberant mother to the guy that delivers his lines like a robot.  I don’t know where this script came from and, although the “actors” have a horrific delivery of their lines, what are they supposed to do with classic lines such as “Hey look, a fishing rod!  I can catch some fish!  Oh look, a stove!  We can cook it.”  And who could forget “I'm not worried about the birds, they're not the dangerous animals. It's the human species that's the dangerous, terrifying animal.”  Annnnnd let’s blame it all on global warming and give a 4-minute Public Service Announcement about global warming and its affect on the environment.  How about a side of anti-war sentiments to go along with that global warming entrée?  While it attempts to educate its audience on global warming, the guy who lives in the woods eventually makes global warming look like a complete joke.  Mix all of this in with random remote control cars, extended scenes around a conference table with people clapping, and a bunch of statistics/prices that all conveniently begin with a one (i.e. a sale of $1 million, a buy-out of $1 billion, $100 for gas) and you have an unforgettable film.  Let’s not forget that nothing says “party” like a random guy (sort of) rapping while the only two patrons of the restaurant do an awkward dance.  Worse than the script is the editing.  When the sound keeps cutting in and out, don’t bother checking your DVD player.  The movie is just THAT poorly edited.  They must have used a single camera to shoot the same scene several times at different angles because the ambient noise in the background is constantly changing.  Or sometimes simply becomes silence for extended static shots.  They also must have been too lazy to dub over dialogue when the background noise was too loud, as evidenced by the consistently lost lines anytime the actors are around traffic or in a restaurant.  On top of this, the editor includes lengthy, boring establishing shots (like extensive scenes driving around in a car and a long pan across the wall of a Vietnamese restaurant).  By the time that the same 4 bars of music repeats for the eighteenth time during the opening credits, you’ll know that you are in for a dismal experience.  I love how you find yourself halfway through the movie and the only reference to birds has been a very poorly made news cast.  And without transition, there are suddenly thousands of horribly animated CGI birds.  I don’t know which I enjoyed more – the terrible CGI birds floating in the air or the awful CGI forest fire whose graphics (reminiscent of Sega Genesis) disappear before the camera cuts away from the scene.  I can talk about this movie forever but no words can properly prepare you for this train wreck.  Therefore, I shall conclude this review with a clip from “Birdemic” that says it all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrxZblVUkMU
It may be helatiously bad, but it is an absolute joy to mock and I can't remember the last time that I laughed this hard.