Jaws 3-D (1983) - 1 star out of 10

Jaws 3-D (1983) - 1 star out of 10

The only thing worse than watching "Jaws 3-D" is watching "Jaws 3-D" in 2-D.  It certainly isn't worth watching for its silly plot and without the gimmick of 3-D, you’d might as well just watch the first one a second (or third) time.  I consider "Jaws 2" to be a bad movie which forces me to categorize "Jaws 3" as utterly terrible.  Every aspect of the film is like a punch to the Jaw (see what I did there) when compared with the original.  Steven Spielberg’s “Jaws” was riveting, masterfully acted, and groundbreaking in its technical execution.  I had hoped that “Jaws 2” was merely a fluke (see what I did there with the fish pun) due to its young cast, but “Jaws 3-D” manages to be significantly worse.  The acting is so bad that half of the movie seems like they left the cameras on between takes and accidentally recorded mundane, non-emotional conversations.  I’m sure that Dennis Quaid doesn’t even bother listing this film on his resume.  One of the most bothersome aspects is the shark footage, which is painfully obvious in its use of fast motion to create a sense of speed but it just makes it look incredibly fake.  Storywise, there's actually a pretty interesting twist.  If there were some sort of redemption amidst this mess, it would be that moment of realization that the film isn’t over.  Jaws invades SeaWorld – it could have been such a cool setting for a shark attack.  But the acting and technical execution of the script are so poor that it's hard to care once the twist rolls around.  “Jaws 3-D” is a total trainwreck but there is hope for the “Jaws” legacy: the next film series completely ignores the events of this film and recasts all of its horribly acts characters.  If “Jaws 3-D” never happened, the next film will redeem this sad tangent… right?

[Pictured: The film is bad enough, but watching the originally 3-D effects in 2-D makes it that much more painful]

Wonder Woman (2017) - 8 stars out of 10

Wonder Woman (2017) - 8 stars out of 10

"Wonder Woman" was a breath of fresh air amidst an over-saturated market of superhero movies.  Its interesting origin story pairs with a superb performance by Gal Gadot to keep us engaged from start to finish.  Her energy and charisma are reason enough to watch.  I've often complained about the Thor films because the concept of coming from another dimension and the cheesy sci-fi costumes that come along with it immediately take away the plausibility of the story.  Wonder Woman has a similar story that involves her being a god but is surprisingly more believable since their world exists within our world instead of requiring multi-dimensional travel.  I still don't love the moment when she's floating in the air for extended periods of time but I appreciate that her story feels believable.  The script has a good pace and calls on an action-packed moment at just the right moment every time.  Its twist is perfectly placed to bring closure at the moment that we would typically lose interest and then push the story in a fresh direction the engaged us until the end.  Throw in some menacing bad guys, the quality acting of Robin Wright, Chris Pine, Danny Huston, and David Thewlis, and well-executed special effects for a satisfying cinematic experience.  I especially loved the musical score by Rupert Gregson-Williams.  It offers the unique contrast of lushly orchestrated themes paired with the adrenaline-pumping electric guitar motive that drives many of the action sequences.  The range of emotions represented in this score is the icing on the cake of this complete package.  "Wonder Woman" has its cheesy moments and will never live up to Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy; however, in an era where I've sworn off superhero movies, I would actually see this one twice.

[Pictured: Gal Gadot absolutely kicks butt in this role.]

Jaws 2 (1978) - 3 stars out of 10

Jaws 2 (1978) - 3 stars out of 10

“Jaws” is a masterpiece.  I always wondered why the first film in the franchise focused on the three male leads and didn’t take time for us to get to know any of the other characters.  “Jaws 2” answers that question.  Hot off the heels of Steven Spielberg’s 1975 blockbuster, Universal saw a huge money grab: create a sequel but forget the story, the shark is all that matters.  They couldn’t get Spielberg to do another film.  They couldn’t get Richard Dreyfuss to sign on.  Roy Scheider was only there due to a contractual obligation.  And the end result is a bunch of sailing sequences and annoying teenage interactions that buy time until the next shark attack.  By focusing the story on teenagers, the quality of acting is very low and you can tell that Scheider felt stifled by a film where everybody wants to see the shark instead of his lead character.  Everything success that the original film had in building suspense, showing character transformation, creating memorable moments, and engaging the audience is completely lost on this sequel.  Sadly, “Jaws 2” embodies the stereotype that we have built around this series.

[Pictured: "Jaws 2" is all about the shark and leaves every shred of quality behind]

The Big Sick - 9 stars out of 10

The Big Sick - 9 stars out of 10

I adored "The Big Sick" for its concept, realism, and ability to infuse comedy into a dramatic situation without becoming an uncomfortable dark comedy.  But why did they need so many f-words?  Unfortunately, this is a prime example of the modern culture of comedy.  Dozens of f-words weren't necessary to create the realism of this plot nor did they make any moment funnier than it would have been without them.  And yet, Hollywood has dictated that a film cannot be considered “funny” without an explosion of profanity (see every Melissa McCarthy film ever created).  The true shame is that this film is full of important messages about love, race, forgiveness, and self-discovery, but its audiences will be limited solely based on this R-rating.  With an adjustment of unnecessary f-words and sacrifice of a few sexual jokes, this could be an incredible PG-13 dramatic comedy that parents could use to teach their children important lessons about the modern world.  But then it wouldn't receive any Oscar nominations, so Emily Gordon and Kumail Nanjiani did what they had to do.  I don't blame them, but I wish that their incredible script could be experienced by a much wider audience.

Now that I've gotten that rant out of the way, I was completely mesmerized by this unique story and haven't been able to get it off of my mind since.  When you consider the pieces of this puzzle - a Pakistani stand-up comedian, an average American girl, the debate between love and arranged marriage, cultural tradition, goofball parents with their own baggage, and a medical tragedy - there is no way that these pieces should fit together.  And yet, this unbelievable/illogical story is based on true events so it has to work!  I believe that the key is the film’s tone.  The events of the story easily could have been romanticized into an overdramatic, far-fetched story.  They also could have focused on creating a sense of humorous irony around the unfortunate circumstances of the characters as we’d expect from a dark comedy.  Instead, Nanjiani and Gordon incorporate lighthearted dialogue throughout the story’s saddest moments in the same way that someone might make jokes at a funeral, allowing the moments to remain sad but maintaining a sense of happiness.  The end result feels organic and real with everything culminating in the perfect ending.  The ending's subtlety probably has RomCom fans upset that they don't get a super-emotional, tear-jerking ending, but it is necessary to preserve the realism of the story.  Nanjiani is the perfect lead character with his natural comedic timing and there is nobody better suited to tell this story than the man who lived it.  I love the casting of Zoe Kazan as she has an attractive-but-typical appearance, an endearing personality, and plays perfectly off of Nanjiani’s comedy.  She is the real reason that we want them to be together.  The depth of the cast comes from veteran actors Ray Romano, Holly Hunter, Anupam Kher, and Zenobia Shroff who use their acting chops to round out the otherwise young cast.  These supporting characters are well-developed with a clever contrast that helps to embody the conflict between the leads: one set of parents delivers comedy and a sense of adaptability while the other pair is more serious and deeply rooted in tradition.  Overall, I give the acting high marks as Hunter, Romano, and Nanjiani create impressive emotional moments.  I found “The Big Sick” to be topical toward many of today’s issues while maintaining a timelessness that will keep it relevant for many years to come.  I will probably never watch it again due to its extreme use of unnecessary profanity but I will always appreciate it for being a triumph of storytelling and character development.

[Pictured: You will fall in love with Nanjiani and Kazan from the very first Uber ride]

Split (2017) - 8 stars out of 10

Split (2017) - 8 stars out of 10

“Split” is the latest mindbender from M. Night Shyamalan.  I disagree with the criticism that he has taken over the past decade (even if you hated “The Happening,” he still deserves respect for crafting “The Sixth Sense”) and I’m so happy that this film has put him back into the good graces of the critics.  The Hitchcockian approach to the film utilizes suspense to create tension from start to finish.  While the tension is so thick that you could cut it with a knife, the film does drag on at a few points and I question how viewers looking for the latest horror thriller may have reacted.  Much of the film’s success lies on Shyamalan’s twisted plot and visual prowess, but we cannot discount the importance of James McAvoy’s performance.  It is essential that McAvoy establish himself as a villain (we can sympathize with his condition, but we still have to fear him); moreover, we have to be able to distinguish between his portrayal of several different personalities solely through his facial expressions and voice.  We even have to be able to tell when one personality is pretending to be another personality.  He has always been an underrated dramatic actor and proved himself to mainstream moviegoers with this masterful performance.  I won’t spoil anything, but I have to make reference that the film has an unconventional twist.  M. Night knows that we expect the unexpected at the end of his films, so he uses a twist that could never be anticipated based on the story that precedes it.  I won’t fully know how I feel about “Split” until I see it a second time.  It is a riveting thriller with fascinating characters, but I can’t help noting the similarities to “10 Cloverfield Lane” which surpasses this film in its pacing, character development, and intrigue.

[Pictured: McAvoy expertly brings several contrasting personalities to life but the real conundrum is "The Beast," a 24th personality that may or may not exist]

The Secret Life of Pets - 5 stars out of 10

The Secret Life of Pets - 5 stars out of 10

“The Secret Life of Pets” is exactly what I expected.  The trailer was a hilarious series of vignettes showing what pets do when their owners leave for the day.  Everybody wanted to see this film because it was going to be so funny!  But I had a sneaking suspicion that once we had been drawn into the theater by the clever trailer, we would find that the vignette introduction quickly gives way to a completely unrelated story.  And sure enough, five minutes into the film the slapstick ended and we were left with Illumination’s retelling of “Toy Story,” only with pets instead of toys.  The film is a nice family comedy that is full of laughs, puns, and cute characters.  I will even admit that I enjoyed it from start to finish, but the story is completely unoriginal and predictable.  The casting is interesting, filling the film with recognizable-but-not-quite-popular actors like Louis C.K., Albert Brooks, Kevin Hart, Eric Stonestreet, Ellie Kemper, and Steve Coogan.  The best part of the film is probably Dana Carvey’s turn as an elderly, respy-voiced basset hound and Jenny Slate’s highly energetic voicing of Gidget.  Still, the film lacks that incredibly emotive actor whose voice helps us to connect to the film.  “The Secret Life of Pets” is a film that I will share with my children someday due to its family-friendly nature, but only after we’ve exhausted the catalog of better animated films and need a break.

[Pictured: The characters are cute, the situations are funny, the animation style is unique, but the story is unoriginal]

The Stanford Prison Experiment - 9 stars out of 10

The Stanford Prison Experiment - 9 stars out of 10

“The Stanford Prison Experiment” is a thought-provoking dramatization of the literally unbelievable experiment at Stanford University in 1971.  I have always been fascinated by this chapter in history and wish that the film had received a wider release so that everybody could experience this curiosity.  The premise of the story is that 15 college students are selected at random to take on the role of prison guard or inmate, and the situation quickly turns intense as the students struggle to separate their perception from reality.  I don’t want to dig into the plot too much because you really just need to see it to believe it.  The casting was very well done, making ever prisoner and guard seem completely ordinary and equal at the onset of the experiment.  Ezra Miller and Michael Angarano steal the show with their emotional performances, though all of the characterization is amazing as each student reacts to the experiment in a subtly different way.  The film’s only flaw is that the characters sometimes seem over-the-top.  But that’s what makes the film so amazing.  These seemingly over-the-top circumstances actually happened in this experiment!  The language is pretty strong at points, but it is necessary to create the realism of this story.  If you have never heard of this experiment or enjoy gripping thrillers, you will love “The Stanford Prison Experiment.”

[Pictured: You constantly want to reach through the screen to remind these characters that it is just an experiment, but they can't help progressively buy into their circumstances]