Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - 1 stars out of 10

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians - 1 stars out of 10

…how does this movie even exist?  I am still trying to figure out at what developmental level one’s brain could actually see this as “good.”  “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a 1964 sci-fi film that you will simply have to see to believe.  I will give the writers credit for being completely original as the plot involves Martians that abduct Santa Claus in order to help the children of Mars develop individuality by having fun.  I will also give the writers credit for writing one of the stupidest stories in the history of Earth.  You don’t have to look very far to see the stupidity with the unoriginal names of the Martians (Momar = Mom Martian, Girmar = Girl Martian).  Add cheesy dialogue and overacting to enhance the horrible plot, but the thing that makes this film so enjoyable is its campiness.  A robot whose motions are clearly an uncoordinated man in a flimsy costume, actors that can’t stop shaking after being struck by a freeze ray, and a machine that creates toys… but you can see the hands of the crew pushing the toys out through the slots.  Add in a jolly Santa whose jokes bring a response of delayed, forced laughter from the actors but somehow manage to put a twinkle in the eye of robots and Martians.  Really the only interesting aspect of this film is that the “good Martians” are the ones that kidnapped Santa while the “bad Martians” want to kill Santa to keep the Martian children from being corrupted with Christmas cheer.  Yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds.  It only grows worse when Dropo, a dimwitted Martian, dons a Santa suit and starts running around shouting “Ho ho ho.”  This film should only be approached by moviegoers who love painfully bad films and even then, be very cautious of the Santy Claus song at the end that may plague your mind forever.